There are so many myths and lies in the world of relationships that it’s no wonder people have suffered so much in this area. One of these myths is the idea of the “right person.”
“Why are you still single?”
“I haven’t found the right person yet.”
Ring a bell?
The idea that there is only one right person in the world which perfectly fits with another is the reason why many people are still single, while others are unhappy in their marriage. Single people dream of the person that will fulfill all the requirements on the list they idealized. Married people fight a battle against their doubts, which question if they married the right person. After all, they have so many problems.
This idea, however, is not plausible mathematically, logically, or spiritually.
Mathematically the numbers don’t add up. Statistics show that there are more single women than men. If we were to compare the number of single men to single women in the world, presuming that your perfect match is somewhere out there, someone’s going to be alone, like in musical chairs.
Logically it doesn’t make any sense. If a newlywed wife loses her husband in an accident and becomes a widow, does that mean that now there’s no point in her looking for anyone else to marry because the “right person,” the only one who could make her happy, died?
Spiritually there’s no biblical basis to this. If Eve was the “right person” for Adam then God made a mistake. It’s interesting that when God created woman, he described her as a “helper suitable to him.”
When the apostle Paul mentioned if a Christian woman becomes a widow, he said “she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 7:39) That is to say, not only does she get a second chance but she is also free and responsible to make her own choice — as long as the person is of the same faith. So where does that idea that there is only one right person in the world, and the fantasy that God is the one who chooses the person we’re going to marry come from?
The truth is that we’re responsible for our choices. God gave us intelligence to identify who is compatible and who is not. And He institutes rules to produce a happy relationship. Break them, and there isn’t a “right” person in the world that will make you happy. The key to a happy marriage is not to find the right person; it’s to do the right things.
Do the right things to find a person who is compatible with you:
1. Expand your circle of friend
2. Choose with your head and not your heart
3. Allow yourself to begin a friendship
4. If things go well, begin to date with the intention of getting to know the person better (not to go to bed with them)
5. If when you get to know everything about the person and see living with them for the rest of your life would not work, nip the relationship in the bud, with no remorse.
6. If you see the fundamental qualities you need, then move forward to the engagement and then marriage
It is not magic, luck or a miracle. It is an act of intelligence.
P.S. If you already read Bullet-Proof marriage, you already know this. Buy it now: www.bulletproofmarriage.org
Bishop Renato Cardoso